Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
