god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
