My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
