We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
