I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
