if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
