Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
