whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
