we should wear snuggies to the strip club
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
