The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
