I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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