The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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