please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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