I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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