Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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