"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
