His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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