did you get engaged???
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
