You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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