its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
