Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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