Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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