i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
