I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
