I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
