I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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