Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
