the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
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