My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
