Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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