worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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