At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
