He kissed a someone with a penis
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
