im drinking this country out of the recession.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
