Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
