my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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