I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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