Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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