he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
