Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
