Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
