So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
