Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There are leaves in my underwear?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
