that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
