There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
