You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
