i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
