2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
