Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
