Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.

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(716): View more from New York

i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis

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(443): View more from Maryland

do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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(847): View more from Illinois

as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up

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(301): View more from Maryland

so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor

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(425): View more from Washington

Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.

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(305): View more from Florida

Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!

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