Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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