i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
