He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
