he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
