I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize