I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I love having hate sex.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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