sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
