he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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