I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
