I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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