Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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