My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.