i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.