Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
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I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
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So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.