last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.