A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
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