Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned

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  (810): I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned http://tfl.nu/gdtw
  Replies (2) Good night (1341) Bad night (662)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.

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  (703): i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice. http://tfl.nu/s321
  Replies (15) Good night (5553) Bad night (778)
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  (858): View more from California

  Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.

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  (858): Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo. http://tfl.nu/gbo1
  Replies (44) Good night (2502) Bad night (5394)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.

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  (205): I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine. http://tfl.nu/wlnl
  Replies (50) Good night (2577) Bad night (8009)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name

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  (910): I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name http://tfl.nu/jjfc
  Replies (3) Good night (2429) Bad night (892)
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  (925): View more from California

  i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.

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  (925): i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/zp0f
  Replies (3) Good night (1391) Bad night (952)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.

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  (407): I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by. http://tfl.nu/944n
  Replies (10) Good night (621) Bad night (1402)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.

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  (313): Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning. (1-313): That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls. http://tfl.nu/sn09
  Replies (7) Good night (664) Bad night (1578)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.

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  (414): Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking. http://tfl.nu/i6qu
  Replies (16) Good night (1826) Bad night (630)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?

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  (218): Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober? http://tfl.nu/gl6q
  Replies (3) Good night (1034) Bad night (467)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?

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  (304): watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him? http://tfl.nu/cta0
  Replies (3) Good night (867) Bad night (565)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.

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  (406): Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility. http://tfl.nu/8bx1
  Replies (1) Good night (695) Bad night (419)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.

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  (847): Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/9r5o
  Replies (5) Good night (267) Bad night (568)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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  (613): What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with? http://tfl.nu/ukrn
  Replies (4) Good night (656) Bad night (222)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.

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  (818): I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell. http://tfl.nu/bjnr
  Replies (3) Good night (296) Bad night (465)

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