I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
