Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.