I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
