if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
